Emotional Eating and 9/11

9 years ago I was in bed when my friend Debby Quebedeaux called and woke me up with the news that the Trade Center had been hit by a plane. I got up and turned on the TV and watched in horror while the second plane hit into the second tower. I was in shock. I left the house went to the store(in my jammie pants and a tee shirt) and bought a half gallon of ice cream. Then I came home and proceeded to eat the entire half gallon. I sat with the container in my lap and spoon by spoon ate the entire thing while watching the horror on TV. I can't remember even feeling anything other than such horror and sorrow but I was feeding my emotions at the time. I would take time to wipe my tears and my nose and continue to eat the ice cream till it was gone. I didn't realize that I had eaten the entire thing till I looked down and found myself surprised that the container was empty. Looking back my current response is "what was I thinking???" The problem was that I wasn't thinking. I was distressed and in shock and the first thing I did without thinking was to feed that emotion. I was conscious this year of my feelings and found as I was watching the replays on the news that I wanted something sweet. I didn't follow thru with that desire and allowed the emotion that I was feeling to roll over me. I really understood that in the past I have eaten when I have been upset to cover up my feelings. This is some sort of ah-ha moment. So today on the anniversary of the senseless terror attack on New York City, on Americans I am watching without food to dull the feelings. I prayed instead that the survivors, families and those immediately touched by the attack will be blessed. I will, every year hold vigil in front of my TV and I will remember.

Points and Butter Pounds

I started Weight Watchers with my daughter 2 weeks ago. This Thursday will be my third weigh in. I remember when I was 18 or 20 years old , my mom and I joined WW in Columbus, Ohio. I think I had 20 lbs to lose. I wanted to weigh 130. Currently my right leg weighs about that much so I have come a long way in the past 40 years. It used to be so simple. You had 2 beef meals a week, 5 fish meals, and I think the rest was chicken or turkey. You had to drink water, eat a ton of fresh vegtetables and you weighed in every week. There was food you could and couldn't eat unlike now. You can eat anything you want because all foods are assigned a point value. You are given a certain number of points that you can use each day based on your weight and activity level. I won't embarass myself by telling you all just how many points I am allowed each day but it is sufficient enough that I am not hungry. As you lose weight the number of points you are allowed each day lessens. Using the point system you can theoretically eat all your daily points in ice cream or oreos. Honestly I am wearing myself out using all my willpower to maintain a healthy diet and not just eat crap. I don't do well on a diet that allows me to eat what ever I want. You are allowed 35 extra points each week for dining out or a special occasion. I am the mistress of justification and can pretty much excuse the use of extra points. I was strict the first week and lost 7.2 lbs. Going into the second week I remembered that I hadn't used the 35 extra points from the first week, so I combined them with the second week's points(you are not allowed to do that) and cheated a lot. I, in fact, probably used the next 6 weeks extra points because they had the best cake at work. The second week I only lost .6 lbs. I was sure that the scale was wrong and they wouldn't let me strip nude to re-weigh. I was suitably depressed and ashamed so afterwards took Becky out for breakfast where we stuck to our allotted points. Drinking coffee, I got the 'urge' and went to the bathroom(if you are a new reader of my other blog get used to me being frank about bodily functions). I returned to the table and turned right around to go back to the john. I told Beck that I was going back to re-weigh because I know I had just lost 5 lbs. She just rolled her eyes at me.

I have always found it easier to visualize any weight loss in terms of sticks of butter. Every pound is represented by 4 sticks of butter. As of my last weigh in I have lost a little over 28 sticks of butter. To reach my goal I will have to lose over 400 stick os butter. OH MY GAWD! This week I was supposed to stick to an exercise program. I have failed miserably but the other day while surfing the net I came upon a new machine for exercise and weight loss. Yes, I ordered it and when it comes in I will take a picture so that you will be able to see the latest piece of equipment designed to give me a "tighter butt and thighs". It also promises that it will increase weight loss. I am pretty excited... I just love new gadgets! It will probably end up holding my discarded clothes like the Nordic Track.

Closing now and wishing all a blessed Labor day.