Food: The Center of My Life Past and Present

Looking back on my childhood I can remember so many things and they are mostly associated with food. I remember whenever I was sick my mom making me a bowl of heavily buttered toast covered with hot milk and salt and pepper. Even today it's a fight, when I don't feel well, not to break out the "milk toast". I don't remember having lots of snacks in my home growing up and don't know why I was a chubby child but I remember that special times were often had at Grooms Ice Creamery and TAT pizza. We didn't have frozen pizza and I don't remember having ice cream in the freezer like we do now. I can remember getting in trouble when I was about 5(or younger) The neighbor's grandson was visiting and for some unknown reason we were behind the garage smearing MUM deodorant in our respective navels. My mom found us and send Chris home and me to my room. I was made to stay home with supervision while the rest of the family went to get ice cream cones from Grooms. An ice cream treat was rare and I still remember watching out the bedroom window as the car pulled away. My mother was a good cook but other than holidays I don't remember much before the age of 15 as to everyday meals. They must have been high in calories because I was an overweight child. As an adult I have to have something to serve people who drop by my house. I don't know if this is something that I have stored in my subconscious from childhood or what I developed on my own but food and drink are central in my act as a good hostess. In the past an unexpected visitor would be offered coffee at a minimum and I would feel obligated (why I don't know) to offer something solid. I have slowly broken myself from the guilt of not having danishes, mainly because I would eat them before I had company. It is still hard for me to have visitors and not feed them. I have planned whole vacations around food. On our cruise last December my sisters and I spent a lot of time discussing where and when we would eat. I don't remember one conversation about the workout room. Food is central in all of our lives. We meet over dinner and discuss the day's activities, we have parties and chat at the buffet table and we linger over desert at a great restaurant while enjoying the company of a friend. It's going to be hard for me to point to the exact reason why I ate, not for survival, but to fill some need in myself that wasn't being met elsewhere.